It's been a while since my last blog post. I apologize to anyone who actually cares, bothers to read it, and has been disappointed at my infrequent postings.
Life has been going well. Survived the blizzard which is good, though I must say, I've never been more excited to see spring in a long time. Shoveling was pretty rough, but my pops and I got through it. I have to admit, I was pretty frustrated that classes were canceled. I've come to a point in my life where I don't enjoy taking days off, especially if the classes are interesting, which they are believe it or not. Besides, learning in the classroom is a hell of a lot better than staying at home doing nothing.
Apparently, according to CBS News, this has been the fourth straight winter where Chicago has gotten more than 50 inches of snow. Okay, I think at this point, it's safe to say that climate change is going on. As it was put so eloquently by Tom Waddle on ESPN 1000 this morning, "All the melting of the Arctic Circle is being dumped on us."
Anyways, recent events, such as the blizzard and of course Super Bowl XLV brought me some perfect material for Badasses and Jackasses. As you will read on, the persons being praised and blasted were men who fell into the spotlight as a result of trying to settle the score with someone they felt wronged them. One did it in an epically awesome way. The other, well looked like a total jackass.
So, here is...
BADASSES
AND
JACKASSES
AND
JACKASSES
BADASS
David Welles
-Okay first off I have to apologize for the pretty bad photo. Unfortunately, this is the best one I could find and even if there was a photo of this guy available, he could probably find some way to sue me so I'll just leave it at that.
The David Welles I'm referring to is not this guy. First off, that guy spells his last name "Wells" and not "Welles," and secondly he played for both the White Sox and the Yankees, which automatically disqualifies him from ever being a badass (I guess unless some story comes out where he risked his life running into a burning house to rescue a cat or something, then i might make an exception)
The David Welles I'm referring to is a normal Chicagoan who just happened to get his fifteen minutes of fame a few days ago. In case you don't know the story, well you should probably just find it on the news, it's been all over. However, I could just give you the compendium right here.
So apparently one of his neighbors did not have a snow shovel. She saw David's harmlessly lying by his door and she decided to take it. Fair enough. She then proceeded to spend 2 1/2 hours shoveling her car, which was trapped by the snow, so that she could use it to go to work, or go out, I don't know and I don't really care. Now the part that pissed me off was that the stupid bimbo walked off with the shovel and decided not to return it. So in essence, this IDIOT was a total thief.
Well, fear not. Instead of crying about it, David Welles role-played as Batman for a night and decided to take justice into his own hands. Welles pulled out his snowblower and proceeded to dump the wintry contents of the sidewalk, all over the stupid woman's car.
The best part was the guy put it on YouTube for all to enjoy. Unfortunately I can't seem to find it now, but this link has a video attached.
Now if you watch the video, the best part is when David Welles is using the machine, he gets all meticulous and specific in where he wants the snow to go. For those of you who have never used or never had to use (consider yourself VERY LUCKY) a snowblower, you can control where the snow gets deposited manually. That's the part that makes this freaking hilarious, that you can literally see him taking breaks during the video repeatedly so that he can perfectly angle the machine so the snow can just bury this bimbo's car.
In the end, the car is covered with at least 10x as much snow as there was before.
Now what's ridiculous is that some people think that David Welles went too far. TOO FAR?!! Are you people nuts?! The idiot woman could have and should have asked the guy if she could use his shovel. Considering the ridiculous blizzard, I'm sure David would have simply said "yeah go ahead." But obviously no one taught this stupid cretin of a person any manners because she thought it was perfectly okay to snatch the shovel, use it, and then have the audacity to just walk away with it like it was her own.
Some people are even blaming David because he left the shovel out to begin with. Okay, let me just say that if you are living in Chicago and have to resort to STEALING A SNOW SHOVEL, you are a pretty pathetic, worthless person. Why didn't the idiot buy a shovel in the first place? Granted they are pretty expensive, but if this dumbass could afford a car, I'M SURE she can afford a shovel, or hell even a snowblower.
In my opinion, David did nothing wrong. In fact, David did what people should do in this situation. Instead of calling the cops, who obviously would have done nothing, he decided to get even and made this clearly unintelligent and moronic woman look even stupider if that's possible. And if you notice in the video, David cleaned the sidewalk that wasn't in front of his home. In essence, David is also being a good citizen here as he is helping out his neighbors, most of whom have the decency to at least return a shovel if they borrow it.
Quite frankly, this idea of "turn the other cheek" or "Eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind," doesn't work in real life, because if you follow those principles, you're going to get taken advantage of by others. David Welles, being the badass that he is, taught his idiot neighbor a lesson and turned a negative into a positive. This guy definitely knows the proper way of how to get even.
David Welles, you are a bonafide, BADASS. Take a bow.
JACKASS
Phil Simms
-I want to start this by saying, I have ALWAYS STRONGLY DISLIKED Phil Simms. Him, Dan Marino, and Boomer Esiason are easily the biggest reasons why I refuse to watch the NFL on CBS and why I am STUNNED that CBS is the leading network to watch pro football.
Phil Simms is disturbingly vapid on the air. It's more exciting to stare up a playground slide and get kicked in the face by someone coming down it than listen to this guy talk about his "Keys to the Game," or whatever the hell he puts out these days. It was bad enough that the Bears lost Super Bowl XLI, but the fact that Phil Simms was commentating throughout the whole thing was just an extra kick in the balls.
The few times I've listened to Simms on the air, he's not only incredibly dull, but he is also EXTREMELY condescending. It's like the guy gets paid a bonus every time he talks down to the audience or Jim Nantz, who honestly should probably just stick to commentating golf anyways. And it's obvious b/c of Simms's status, his sons, who play like fresh garbage, manage to go to elite college football programs in Texas and Tennessee. His older son Chris even managed to somehow start in the NFL despite the fact that he probably couldn't throw an egg more than five yards.
Well an incident at a Super Bowl party further confirmed what I already knew about Phil Simms, that he's an arrogant douchebag.
To give you some context, Desmond Howard, former Michigan star and Heisman winner now working for ESPN as an analyst, mentioned that Phil Simms's son, Matt, was one of the worst college football quarterbacks in the SEC. Even if you don't care about college football, you can't deny that Matt Simms's stats are pretty much god awful. And besides, Howard is getting paid to give his analysis. In this case, Howard was just simply stating what he thought, that Tennessee, a once elite college football program, was going to struggle b/c Matt Simms is just terrible.
Well, Phil Simms decided he needed to settle the score with Desmond on the issue. Unfortunately, unlike David Welles, Simms did it in a pretty boorish and clumsy way.
Simms confronted the former Heisman winner at a party, telling Desmond his annoyance at the comments he made towards his son. Howard tried to explain in a clear way that as an analyst, he has to give an opinion, something that Phil should know considering Phil is also an analyst (albeit, a pretty freaking horrible one). Howard reiterated that he was not taking a personal attack on Phil, although he probably should have. It's obvious that Matt Simms only got a scholarship to Knoxville b/c his dad was a "big-time" NFL star. Nevertheless, Howard is a PROFESSIONAL and his opinion was not based on a dislike of Phil Simms, merely just a dislike of Matt Simms's woefully mediocre play on the field.
Well big-headed and thick-headed Phil Simms couldn't understand what Howard was trying to tell him due to his caveman-like brain, so, like all Neanderthal douchebags, Phil Simms resorted to a threat of violence because he was too much of a child to accept the fact that Desmond was right.
It's astonishing to me just how many people are defending Simms for his unprofessional and immature behavior. Okay even if you don't like Desmond Howard because you don't like his job as an analyst or you're just a bitter OSU fan, you can't justify what Simms did. Sure, Phil is Matt's dad and should stick up for his son. The problem is that Howard was simply giving an opinion based on his own football background and was not resorting to a cheap personal attack. Obviously, in Phil's world, he and his no-talent sons always have to be on top of the universe.
Phil Simms, due to your inability to keep your emotions in check and your obscene lack of professionalism when offering your dissenting opinion of another football analyst, you are a TOTAL JACKASS.
Cheers,
DC
David Welles
-Okay first off I have to apologize for the pretty bad photo. Unfortunately, this is the best one I could find and even if there was a photo of this guy available, he could probably find some way to sue me so I'll just leave it at that.
The David Welles I'm referring to is not this guy. First off, that guy spells his last name "Wells" and not "Welles," and secondly he played for both the White Sox and the Yankees, which automatically disqualifies him from ever being a badass (I guess unless some story comes out where he risked his life running into a burning house to rescue a cat or something, then i might make an exception)
The David Welles I'm referring to is a normal Chicagoan who just happened to get his fifteen minutes of fame a few days ago. In case you don't know the story, well you should probably just find it on the news, it's been all over. However, I could just give you the compendium right here.
So apparently one of his neighbors did not have a snow shovel. She saw David's harmlessly lying by his door and she decided to take it. Fair enough. She then proceeded to spend 2 1/2 hours shoveling her car, which was trapped by the snow, so that she could use it to go to work, or go out, I don't know and I don't really care. Now the part that pissed me off was that the stupid bimbo walked off with the shovel and decided not to return it. So in essence, this IDIOT was a total thief.
Well, fear not. Instead of crying about it, David Welles role-played as Batman for a night and decided to take justice into his own hands. Welles pulled out his snowblower and proceeded to dump the wintry contents of the sidewalk, all over the stupid woman's car.
The best part was the guy put it on YouTube for all to enjoy. Unfortunately I can't seem to find it now, but this link has a video attached.Now if you watch the video, the best part is when David Welles is using the machine, he gets all meticulous and specific in where he wants the snow to go. For those of you who have never used or never had to use (consider yourself VERY LUCKY) a snowblower, you can control where the snow gets deposited manually. That's the part that makes this freaking hilarious, that you can literally see him taking breaks during the video repeatedly so that he can perfectly angle the machine so the snow can just bury this bimbo's car.
In the end, the car is covered with at least 10x as much snow as there was before.
Now what's ridiculous is that some people think that David Welles went too far. TOO FAR?!! Are you people nuts?! The idiot woman could have and should have asked the guy if she could use his shovel. Considering the ridiculous blizzard, I'm sure David would have simply said "yeah go ahead." But obviously no one taught this stupid cretin of a person any manners because she thought it was perfectly okay to snatch the shovel, use it, and then have the audacity to just walk away with it like it was her own.
Some people are even blaming David because he left the shovel out to begin with. Okay, let me just say that if you are living in Chicago and have to resort to STEALING A SNOW SHOVEL, you are a pretty pathetic, worthless person. Why didn't the idiot buy a shovel in the first place? Granted they are pretty expensive, but if this dumbass could afford a car, I'M SURE she can afford a shovel, or hell even a snowblower.
In my opinion, David did nothing wrong. In fact, David did what people should do in this situation. Instead of calling the cops, who obviously would have done nothing, he decided to get even and made this clearly unintelligent and moronic woman look even stupider if that's possible. And if you notice in the video, David cleaned the sidewalk that wasn't in front of his home. In essence, David is also being a good citizen here as he is helping out his neighbors, most of whom have the decency to at least return a shovel if they borrow it.
Quite frankly, this idea of "turn the other cheek" or "Eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind," doesn't work in real life, because if you follow those principles, you're going to get taken advantage of by others. David Welles, being the badass that he is, taught his idiot neighbor a lesson and turned a negative into a positive. This guy definitely knows the proper way of how to get even.
David Welles, you are a bonafide, BADASS. Take a bow.
JACKASS
Phil Simms
-I want to start this by saying, I have ALWAYS STRONGLY DISLIKED Phil Simms. Him, Dan Marino, and Boomer Esiason are easily the biggest reasons why I refuse to watch the NFL on CBS and why I am STUNNED that CBS is the leading network to watch pro football.
Phil Simms is disturbingly vapid on the air. It's more exciting to stare up a playground slide and get kicked in the face by someone coming down it than listen to this guy talk about his "Keys to the Game," or whatever the hell he puts out these days. It was bad enough that the Bears lost Super Bowl XLI, but the fact that Phil Simms was commentating throughout the whole thing was just an extra kick in the balls.
The few times I've listened to Simms on the air, he's not only incredibly dull, but he is also EXTREMELY condescending. It's like the guy gets paid a bonus every time he talks down to the audience or Jim Nantz, who honestly should probably just stick to commentating golf anyways. And it's obvious b/c of Simms's status, his sons, who play like fresh garbage, manage to go to elite college football programs in Texas and Tennessee. His older son Chris even managed to somehow start in the NFL despite the fact that he probably couldn't throw an egg more than five yards.
Well an incident at a Super Bowl party further confirmed what I already knew about Phil Simms, that he's an arrogant douchebag.
To give you some context, Desmond Howard, former Michigan star and Heisman winner now working for ESPN as an analyst, mentioned that Phil Simms's son, Matt, was one of the worst college football quarterbacks in the SEC. Even if you don't care about college football, you can't deny that Matt Simms's stats are pretty much god awful. And besides, Howard is getting paid to give his analysis. In this case, Howard was just simply stating what he thought, that Tennessee, a once elite college football program, was going to struggle b/c Matt Simms is just terrible.
Well, Phil Simms decided he needed to settle the score with Desmond on the issue. Unfortunately, unlike David Welles, Simms did it in a pretty boorish and clumsy way.
Simms confronted the former Heisman winner at a party, telling Desmond his annoyance at the comments he made towards his son. Howard tried to explain in a clear way that as an analyst, he has to give an opinion, something that Phil should know considering Phil is also an analyst (albeit, a pretty freaking horrible one). Howard reiterated that he was not taking a personal attack on Phil, although he probably should have. It's obvious that Matt Simms only got a scholarship to Knoxville b/c his dad was a "big-time" NFL star. Nevertheless, Howard is a PROFESSIONAL and his opinion was not based on a dislike of Phil Simms, merely just a dislike of Matt Simms's woefully mediocre play on the field.
Well big-headed and thick-headed Phil Simms couldn't understand what Howard was trying to tell him due to his caveman-like brain, so, like all Neanderthal douchebags, Phil Simms resorted to a threat of violence because he was too much of a child to accept the fact that Desmond was right.
It's astonishing to me just how many people are defending Simms for his unprofessional and immature behavior. Okay even if you don't like Desmond Howard because you don't like his job as an analyst or you're just a bitter OSU fan, you can't justify what Simms did. Sure, Phil is Matt's dad and should stick up for his son. The problem is that Howard was simply giving an opinion based on his own football background and was not resorting to a cheap personal attack. Obviously, in Phil's world, he and his no-talent sons always have to be on top of the universe.
Phil Simms, due to your inability to keep your emotions in check and your obscene lack of professionalism when offering your dissenting opinion of another football analyst, you are a TOTAL JACKASS.
Cheers,
DC
