My 2011 NBA Playoff Predictions

Hey everybody.

In light of my rather "short-sighted" NHL predictions, I'm going to have to redeem myself by making some NBA playoff predictions. Btw, I'm afraid a lot of people here are not going to like my Eastern Conference pick. Myself, I had to take fifty showers because I felt so unclean making this pick. May the NBA lords have mercy on my soul...

EASTERN CONFERENCE

1 BULLS vs. 8 Indiana Pacers
Prediction: BULLS in 5
Why: Bulls have depth and a stingy defense. Pacers have great blue-collar talent and Danny Granger, but it won't be enough

2 Miami Heat vs. 7 Philadelphia 76ers
Prediction: Heat in 5
Why: Philly plays great team basketball, the kind that would make John Wooden proud. Unfortunately, today's NBA is a much different monster than the NCAA of John Wooden's day. You need star power and the Sixers don't have that. Miami, unfortunately for all of us non-Heat fans, have 2.5 stars

3 Boston Celtics vs. 6 New York Knicks
Prediction: Celtics in 6
Why: The New York Knicks led by that delusional moron "I'm too good to coach defense" Mike D'Antoni are a DISGRACE TO THE NBA. That being said, they will push the aging Celtics to the limit. Fortunately, the Celtics will prove how important defense and depth still are by beating the Knicks. For once, I might root for KG

4 Orlando Magic vs. 5 Atlanta Hawks
Prediction: Magic in 4
Why: The Hawks have played desultory basketball all year. Lots of talent but no team chemistry at all. The Magic, even though they are depleted, still have Dwight Howard and will stomp them. Don't be deceived by the fact that the Hawks won 3 of 4 against them during the season

1 BULLS vs. 4 Magic
Prediction: Bulls in 7
Why: This is going to be a tough series. The Bulls will need to rely on their ridiculous depth to stop the Magic. They shouldn't even waste time trying to stop Howard bc they won't. However, if they shut down Orlando's perimeter players, this series is over. Deng will need to shine in this series bc Jameer Nelson has played good defense on D-Rose

2 Heat vs. 3 Celtics
Prediction: Heat in 6
Why: LeBron and Wade are going to have that killer instinct for this series. Celtics are only getting older. Miami's lack of depth might hurt them but looking at both team's recent play, they look like they're ready to take it to the next level. The Celtics on the other hand, they are bleeding and other teams are seeing this

1 BULLS vs. 2 Heat
Prediction... ... it pains me to say this but... Heat in 6
Why: The star power of Miami is too much for the Bulls. The Bulls have been a great story. D-Rose is as humble as he is talented. Luol Deng has been an unheralded hero. The bench has been so fun to watch. That being said, all of the Bulls' three wins against Miami were decided by a total of 8 points. In the playoffs, Miami's star power will turn the tide...much to the dismay of pretty much everyone who is not a Heat fan

WESTERN CONFERENCE

1 San Antonio Spurs vs 8 Memphis Grizzlies
Prediction: Spurs in 6
Why: Ginobili's absence in the playoffs will really hurt San Antonio. But, the Spurs are still talented without him. Popovich is a great coach and the Spurs have plenty of playoff experience. The Grizzlies remind me a lot of the Thunder last season and they could make a serious run. Zach Randolph is the most underrated player in the NBA and he will need to be a star down the stretch for the Grizzlies to make some noise

2 Los Angeles Lakers vs. 7 New Orleans Hornets
Prediction: Lakers in 4
Why: The Hornets were a great team and then they lost David West and haven't looked the same. The Lakers have limped into the playoffs that's for sure but they are still the defending champs and have a superstar and a coach who both know what it takes to take the title. New Orleans is not the Thunder of last year. Lakers are going to sweep

3 Dallas Mavericks vs. 6 Portland Trail Blazers
Prediction: Blazers in 7
Why: I really like Dirk Nowitzki and I think the Mavericks always fly under the radar. That being said, this Portland team is scary. Andre Miller is a great point guard. LaMarcus Aldridge has played some ridiculous ball and would have won Most IMproved Player if Kevin Love didn't channel the spirit of Moses Malone. Since adding Gerald Wallace, this team has been on another level. Plus, Nate Macmillan is a better coach than Rick Carlisle.

4 Oklahoma City Thunder vs. 5 Denver Nuggets
Prediction: Thunder in 7
Why: This is going to be a great series. The Nuggets have been amazing since Melo left. In fact, they look much better. Kevin Durant is a total stud and so is Russell Westbrook. George Karl is an experienced playoff coach however who will know how to get the best out of his players, players like Raymond Felton, Danilo Gallinari, Nene, etc. However, these playoffs will be the coming of Kevin Durant and Westbrook.

1 Spurs vs. 4 Thunder
Prediction: Thunder in 6
Why: The Thunder are a fast, exciting young team. The Spurs have the experience and the toughness. It's going to be baptism by fire for Durant, Westbrook. Still, I think the combination of Kendrick Perkins and Serge Ibaka can shut down Duncan. The key will be Ginobili. If he plays out of his mind, the Spurs can grind it out. Still, I think it's a changing of the guard out west

2 Lakers vs. 6 Blazers
Prediction: Lakers in 7
Why: The Blazers are a great team, but the Lakers are going to kick it into a higher level. Gasol and Aldridge will be a critical match up for this series. I'm not sure if Portland has anyone that can contain Kobe however, which will be problematic for the Blazers

2 Lakers vs. 4 Thunder
Prediction: Lakers in 7
Why: A rematch of last year's exciting first round series, the Thunder are once again going to push the Lakers to the brink. Still, I think Kobe's desire and all-around ability will tip the scales once again in Kobe's favor. Gasol is going to have a much tougher time being matched up against a significantly improved Ibaka and now Perkins.

NBA FINALS

Miami Heat vs. Los Angeles Lakers
Prediction: Lakers in 6
Why: Miami's star power will meet its kryptonite against the Lakers. Even though Miami will pull of a big win against the Bulls, I still don't think they have what it takes mentally to get past the two-time defending champs. They are especially going to have a rough time against Gasol as they have no interior defense whatsoever. Look for Lamar Odom to step up as well, especially if LeBron and Wade are going to throw everything they can at shutting down #24

Cheers,
DC

My 2011 Stanley Cup Playoff Predictions

Last year, the Chicago Blackhawks ended 39 years of agony and finally brought back Lord Frederick Arthur Stanley's Cup to the West Side of Chicago. When I close my eyes, I can still see Patrick Kane slotting the puck barely passed the overachieving Michael Leighton, and then Kane bouncing up and down like a maniac, all dignity forgotten as the Hawks finished their season ahead of the other 29 times in the league. All those miserable memories of garbage teams and garbage players like Zhamnov, Doug Gilmour, and Alexander Karpovtsev (excuse me while I throw up).

This year, my Hawks BARELY made the playoffs. But as anyone who has watched enough NHL playoffs knows, once you're in, you have a great chance to go on a ridiculous run. Look at what Halak and the Habs did last year.

Are the Blackhawks going to go on a Cinderella run and defend their title? Is Alexander the Great going to cement his legacy with his first Stanley Cup win? Are the Vancouver Canucks ready to finally move past years of underachievement? Here are my answers to those questions

EASTERN CONFERENCE

1 Washington def. 8 New York Rangers
2 Philadelphia def. 7 Buffalo
3 Boston def. 6 Montreal (This one is going to be intense. The passionate and vicious fanbases of both teams will be the x-factor)
5 Tampa Bay def. 4 Pittsburgh

1 Washington def. 5 Tampa Bay
3 Boston def. 2 Philadelphia (I would like to see Philly beat the Bruins, but they have absolutely no momentum going into the playoffs. They might even lose to Buffalo)

1 Washington def. 3 Boston (This is going to be a SWEEP. It's not even going to be close)

WESTERN CONFERENCE

8 BLACKHAWKS def. 1 Vancouver (okay, i know i'm a ridiculously biased Hawks' fan. I've been watching them since '95 gimme a break. In all honesty, Vancouver is probably going to steamroll the Hawks but I can't bet against them)
7 Los Angeles def. 2 San Jose
3 Detroit def. 6 Phoenix (I still can't believe there is a F**KING hockey team in Phoenix. Such a disgrace)
4 Anaheim def. 5 Nashville (Nashville is OBSCENELY OVERRATED. I hope they go down in flames this year)

8 BLACKHAWKS def. 3 Detroit (I would rather get kicked in the nuts and be forced to kiss Rosie O'Donnell than ever EVER pick those evil motherf**kers in Joe Louis Arena over my beloved Hawks)
4 Anaheim def. 7 Los Angeles (AGH I HATE THE DUCKS, but there's no chance in hell the Kings get past them)

8 BLACKHAWKS def. 4 Anaheim (I really can't bring myself to picking the goddamn Ducks, a team named after a cracked Disney movie starring Charlie Sheen's brother, over my Hawks, despite the fact that Anaheim has Corey Perry on their team. Again, my pride and loyalty has gotten in the way of my hockey brain)

STANLEY CUP

BLACKHAWKS def. Washington

Yes you heard it here first, BLACKHAWKS are going to repeat as Stanley Cup champions. Jonathan Toews, Patrick Sharp, and Marian Hossa are going to kick it into a higher gear. Guys like Bolland, Brouwer, Kopecky, Bickell and Dowell are going to need to grab their hard hats and their lunch pails and play the same rugged blue collar hockey that carried the Hawks to the title last year.

Okay in all seriousness, there's a better chance of Matt Damon acquiring superpowers and suddenly becoming my fairy godmother than the Hawks repeating. All i'm saying is that Hawks' fans need to remember what MOntreal did last year. If Crawford plays at Halak/Niemi levels, this team could cause some upsets.

Now if you'll excuse me, I've got to go look for my brain and my sanity.

Cheers,
DC

My 2011 baseball predictions...which will be miserably wrong by the end of the season

Don't you just love how hilariously awkward Kosuke Fukudome looks right now?

NL East: Atlanta

NL Central: St. Louis

NL West: San Francisco

NL Wildcard: Philadelphia

AL East: Boston

AL Central: Minnesota

AL West: Texas

AL Wildcard: New York Yankees

NL MVP: Jason Heyward - Atlanta

AL MVP: Joe Mauer - Minnesota

NL Cy Young: Roy Halladay - Philadelphia

AL Cy Young: Trevor Cahill - Oakland

NL Champs: Philadelphia

AL Champs: Boston

World Series Champs: Boston

2011 Chicago Cubs' Record: *SIGH* 77-85

The Future of Albert Pujols: Stays in St. Louis

Head-to-Head Cubs vs. Sox: *LONG sigh* Sox probably

Cheers,
DC

Some Thoughts on "Pretty Boy" Floyd

In November of 2010, Filipino boxing star Manny Pacquiao proceeded to inflate one of Antonio Margarito's eyes using only his left and right hands. Margarito's eyes swelled to gross proportions.

In the aftermath of the fight, Pacquiao announced that his next opponent would be Shane Mosley...


Yeah the picture above pretty much sums it up... Everybody wants to see Pacquiao fight Floyd Mayweather. It would undoubtedly be the one of the most anticipated fights in boxing history. The last thing people want to watch is Pacquiao destroy another outclassed opponent. Cotto was a decent choice, but Clottey, Hatton, Margarito, and now Mosley are not up to Manny's standards.

While driving back from work on Friday, I caught Pretty Boy Floyd being interviewed by ESPN Radio 1000. Let me just say that after this interview, I'm pretty sure that Pacquiao-Mayweather is never going to happen.

I like Floyd Mayweather. He is by far the best defensive boxer since Pernell Whitaker; he may even be the best defensive boxer ever. The way he destroyed Ricky Hatton and Oscar de la Hoya lend more credibility to this argument. And while I honestly can't stand his motor mouth sometimes, I have grown to begrudgingly accept it. That being said, he came off as a total JACKASS in the interview.

First off, Mayweather starts complaining about how he is an American, but more people in this great country seem to be supporting Pacquiao, a fighter from the Philippines (which Mayweather "intelligently" pointed out was a foreign country...gee thanks for the enlightenment Floyd) instead of him. Cry me a river.

Yes we Americans are ridiculously and obnoxiously patriotic of our own at times (just look at the way ESPN slobbers over America's current god awful tennis talent every time some assclown makes it out of the first round aka Melanie Oudin), but I think it is safe to say Americans also want to see results and not stupid dilly-dallying bullshit. This is why America doesn't have f**king ties in any of their professional sports (well NFL technically still has ties). The reason Floyd that America is turning on you is because YOU'RE WASTING EVERYONE'S F**KING TIME by not agreeing to this fight.

Floyd then went on to say that Pacquiao is a "media creation," and that he doesn't understand why this fight is so anticipated when Pacquiao has already thrice, two of those times Manny hit the canvas and didn't get up in time. Floyd conveniently forgets to remind people that Pacquiao's last two devastating losses came in 1999 and 1996. Pacquiao's third loss was avenged when he knocked out Erik Morales in 3 rounds. Let's also remember that Pacquiao has pretty much destroyed every one of his contemporaries with the exception of Floyd himself.

OF COURSE THIS FIGHT IS GOING TO BE HYPED UP YOU DOLT! Even if Pacquiao was a "media creation," everyone wants to see these two go at it. Like I mentioned earlier, this fight would sell enough to make UFC irrelevant again.

When ESPN's Marc Silverman told Floyd that the fight would save the sport of boxing, the undefeated champ replied that he doesn't fight for the promoters or the sport, he fights for himself and his family. Fair enough...except he answered it in the GODDAMN THIRD PERSON. If you are not The Rock and you are speaking in third person, that instantly makes you a jackass and a dumbass.

I believe Floyd when he says that he's not afraid of Manny Pacquiao. In fact, I would go as far as to say that if the two went head to head, I think Mayweather would come out on top. That's right, Mayweather would beat Pacquiao. But if Floyd wants to keep talking all this shit about Pac being a "media creation" and if Floyd wants the proper respect from his fellow Americans that he claims he deserves, well it's time for him to STFU about these drug tests and don the goddamn gloves.

If there's anything this interview did, it made me realize how much of a tool Floyd Mayweather is becoming. I also hope he realizes that if he doesn't fight Manny Pacquiao soon, he'll also go down as one of the biggest phonies in the sport.

Cheers,
DC

Some Thoughts on the...not so eloquent UCLA student

Hey everyone.

I haven't been really up to much lately. Just watching some March Madness, the Bulls and Blackhawks, and of course, getting ready for the GRE, which is coming closer and closer with each passing day. It was also spring break here at Oakton, though I didn't really do anything worth mentioning.

I hope I didn't frighten you all with the pretty wild, unrestrained rant I had on those morons trying to link the tragic earthquake/tsunami to Pearl Harbor. For those of you who read that piece and are about to read this one, you might be a little bit surprised to find a dramatic change in emotion.

So pretty much everyone and their mother has been asking for my opinion on UCLA student Alexandra Wallace who so "tastefully" described her "discontent" with the hordes of Asians that are supposedly invading American universities. In case you missed the video, here it is

Alexandra Wallace is an idiot. My favorite part of her asinine video is how she says her "rant" is not directed at her "Asian friends" yet the cretin was stupid enough to generalize an entire race of people based on the actions of 12-20 Asians who happened to live in the same building that she did. And did she really think it was a good idea to post this video just hours after an earthquake that has killed almost 10000 people in Japan? Once again, it is clear that this student is pretty brainless and lacks those "American manners" (whatever the hell that means) that she so obnoxiously bragged about.

However, if you expected another classic example of, wild, histrionic, and downright scary Dennis Choi rage towards this person, you're going to be disappointed.

Quite frankly, I wasn't really that offended at all. Yep, that's right. Here I'll type it again in case you're still in disbelief: I wasn't really that offended at all.

You can blame Highland Park High School, that abominable cesspool of spoiled brats, for my desensitization. At HPHS, I heard far worse. In fact, Alexandra Wallace's comments, however tactless and ludicrous, were actually par for the course during high school where I was bombarded by abhorrent remarks against Asians seemingly on a daily basis. The comments I received, particularly during my senior year, would make Alexandra Wallace look like Obama for goodness sake. After all, Highland Park is definitely not the most "open-minded" place in the world. In fact, the place seems to champion its stupidity and narrow-mindedness (which is why I refuse, and will ALWAYS refuse to call it my hometown. It's Highwood DAMN IT!).

I guess being exposed to such blatantly offensive racism really led me to a point of disillusionment with this idea of "racial harmony." Let's face the facts, as long as humans exist on this planet, prejudice will never go out of style in this world.

For this reason, it seems a little overkill for people to be issuing death threats. To those people who either sent the death threats or agree with those who went after her, do you really think that is going to suddenly change this person into a non-racist? The bottom line is, people like her, WILL NEVER CHANGE. It's pointless to throw death threats because her narrow-minded stereotypes of Asians are not going to suddenly go away because some jackass threatened to shoot her in the face. Even her apology seems half-assed and more done out of necessity than out of the goodness in her heart. I guess her "All-American" mother didn't teach her the universal manner of owning up to a mistake.

As defeatist as this sounds, there's nothing we can do about racism like this. For every Alexandra Wallace who has been humiliated because she was so incredibly stupid enough to make this video public, there are millions of others who share her views and will pass it on to their children without consequence, simply because they keep it within themselves. I guess that's why I don't get angry anymore when I see stuff like this because let's face it, she's not the only one who feels this way and it's not going to change anytime soon.

Back in January, I found myself in a loud bar that was blasting a cacophony of Serbian music and where pretty much everyone in the bar was a Serb (or from a country in the former Yugoslavia) with the exception of myself and two other guys. When I walked into the bathroom, a dude in the bar started insulting me by speaking mock Chinese, similar to Alexandra Wallace's "ching chong ling long" spiel. The dickhead proceeded to laugh his ass off while I fought off an urge to urinate all over him.

Were his actions as reprehensible as Alexandra Wallace's? I'll let you decide on that. But let's face the facts, if I decided to give him a lecture about how he should be more open-minded and accepting of other cultures (in a dirty ass bathroom of a shady ass bar, mind you), was it really possible to expect him to suddenly not be a prejudiced dumbass? Of course not...

So I did what I thought was best at the time, just ignored him and moved on. There's no point getting mad over something that can't be transformed.

Cheers,
DC

Letting go of your baggage...especially if its f**king empty

Karma is by far the most overused word in the English language. Many people, myself included, don't really understand the concept well enough. However, this fact doesn't seem to serve as any sort of stricture for us to just throw it around to make ourselves feel and sound smarter in an argument.

Case in point, this link

Before I begin my rant, I would like to thank Melissa, one of my co-workers at CTY Carlisle last summer, for pointing this out on her profile page. I honestly don't know if Melissa reads this blog or not but she deserves a shout out anyways.

And another disclaimer, if anyone reading thinks that any of the heinous comments on the link were appropriate and intelligent, I'm going to ask you politely to please stop f**king reading this blog.

I would like to point out that the overwhelming majority of those abysmally stupid losers probably fit at least four of these five categories:

A.) Are not serving in the United States military
B.) Do not know where Pearl Harbor is
C.) Do not even know the motivations behind the Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor
D.) Were not in Pearl Harbor, Hawaii, or Honolulu for that matter when the attack happened
E.) Were not even F**KING BORN when the Japanese bombed Pearl Harbor

This is a disgrace. There is no other way to describe the appalling lack of compassion and intelligence demonstrated by some people in the aftermath of one of the most devastating natural disasters to hit Japan. As of now, the death toll could possibly exceed 10,000. In addition, costly property damage has done nothing but destroy the lives of survivors. Let's not forget the potential for a nuclear meltdown that could cause major setbacks down the road.

But no, some of us living in this country choose to ignore these issues. Instead, they think it's a much better idea to start claiming self-righteous "karma victories" for a military attack that happened almost SEVENTY F**KING YEARS AGO.

I want to point out a larger problem. The comments remind me once again how people need to seriously throw away their baggage when it comes to historical events, especially if there is nothing inside the f**king luggage to begin with. As mentioned earlier, most of the people who are posting such hateful messages were not born or do not have relatives directly associated with the attack. Instead, their sick bastardized idea of patriotism has eaten away the few precious brain cells that they had to begin with. I mean how would you feel if after Hurricane Katrina, some Japanese people said it was "karma" for dropping bombs on Hiroshima or Nagasaki? I don't know about you, but I would be pretty f**king pissed off.

In case those morons have forgotten, Japan has been a strong US economic and political ally in the aftermath of World War II. Japanese and American culture have transcended borders peacefully. They have been and continue to be a major supporter of US foreign policy when it comes to dealing with bloodthirsty North Korea. Mainly due to the cooperative efforts of both Americans and Japanese who were willing to MOVE FORWARD past ideological hatred and resentment, Japan now boasts the third largest economy in the world, and all this after getting nuked not once, but twice. I guess someone forgot to teach ACTUAL HISTORY to those imbeciles, because it seems like in their own warped minds, America is still at war with Japan.

By the way, I would like to add that at the time, Hawaii WAS NOT a US state. It was technically a colony, so can people please STFU and stop whining and bitching about Japan's sneak attack on a US state. Hawaii wasn't a goddamn state until 1959. Jeezus, it's bad enough that we have birthers who act like Hawaii is a country in Africa or something, now we have to deal with a bunch of cretins who keep screaming like a bunch of harpies about Japan attacking a US state seventy years ago, when it wasn't even a state.

This isn't just an attack on Americans. First off, 99.99999999% of Americans have felt nothing but sympathy and anguish over what has happened in Japan. With the exception of this very minute number of absolute human waste, most Americans are saddened by this tragic natural disaster.

In fact, the rest of the world is pretty guilty of this stuff as well. Koreans still have not let go of historical baggage when it comes to the Japanese, over the colonial period from 1910-1945. While I certainly understand and empathize with older Koreans who still have not received a sufficient apology from the arrogant Japanese government, younger Koreans who bring up these issues to "justify" anti-Japanese sentiment need to get a f**king life. In the last twenty or so years, the only major source of contention between Japan and Korea has been over the Liancourt Rocks. A group of nearly uninhabitable islands is barely something to declare bloody murder about, especially on an entire country.

Or how about the English? For three hellish months, Nazi Germany bombed the living daylights out of the UK, killing more than 23,000 civilians all over the country. I cannot begin to imagine the horror and nightmarish life that Britons experienced during this time period. That is why if you are a Briton and you survived that trauma, you honestly have every right to still have hatred for Germany.

But most of the anti-German sentiment from Britons these days seems to come from stupid young punks (most likely drunk mind you), who don't know a damn thing about the agony and suffering their ancestors experienced 70 years ago. Case in point how tactlessly they sing this IDIOTIC SONG. Or what about this absolute trash of an article (Btw, England got destroyed by those "blackshirt" Germans in last summer's World Cup. I've graciously posted the highlights for you in case you forgot. Sorry about the GOD AWFUL music in the background). Maybe if the young English fans wasted less time singing brainless songs about German atrocities that took place years ago, and spent more time getting angry about the current state of their sad excuse for a soccer team, they would have won a major competition by now.

The bottom line is, if you directly survived and lived through a difficult hardship caused by another country, you certainly have a right to have resentment and even hatred in your heart. These emotions are what make us human after all. However, if you are GENERATIONS removed from those same events and are living comfortably, you really need to mind your own business and throw away your cultural baggage.

Especially, if the country you are targeting is in the midst of their own hellish tragedy.

Cheers,
DC

Badasses and Jackasses #4: Settling the Score Edition

Hey all.

It's been a while since my last blog post. I apologize to anyone who actually cares, bothers to read it, and has been disappointed at my infrequent postings.

Life has been going well. Survived the blizzard which is good, though I must say, I've never been more excited to see spring in a long time. Shoveling was pretty rough, but my pops and I got through it. I have to admit, I was pretty frustrated that classes were canceled. I've come to a point in my life where I don't enjoy taking days off, especially if the classes are interesting, which they are believe it or not. Besides, learning in the classroom is a hell of a lot better than staying at home doing nothing.

Apparently, according to CBS News, this has been the fourth straight winter where Chicago has gotten more than 50 inches of snow. Okay, I think at this point, it's safe to say that climate change is going on. As it was put so eloquently by Tom Waddle on ESPN 1000 this morning, "All the melting of the Arctic Circle is being dumped on us."

Anyways, recent events, such as the blizzard and of course Super Bowl XLV brought me some perfect material for Badasses and Jackasses. As you will read on, the persons being praised and blasted were men who fell into the spotlight as a result of trying to settle the score with someone they felt wronged them. One did it in an epically awesome way. The other, well looked like a total jackass.

So, here is...

BADASSES

AND



JACKASSES

BADASS
















David Welles

-Okay first off I have to apologize for the pretty bad photo. Unfortunately, this is the best one I could find and even if there was a photo of this guy available, he could probably find some way to sue me so I'll just leave it at that.

The David Welles I'm referring to is not this guy. First off, that guy spells his last name "Wells" and not "Welles," and secondly he played for both the White Sox and the Yankees, which automatically disqualifies him from ever being a badass (I guess unless some story comes out where he risked his life running into a burning house to rescue a cat or something, then i might make an exception)

The David Welles I'm referring to is a normal Chicagoan who just happened to get his fifteen minutes of fame a few days ago. In case you don't know the story, well you should probably just find it on the news, it's been all over. However, I could just give you the compendium right here.

So apparently one of his neighbors did not have a snow shovel. She saw David's harmlessly lying by his door and she decided to take it. Fair enough. She then proceeded to spend 2 1/2 hours shoveling her car, which was trapped by the snow, so that she could use it to go to work, or go out, I don't know and I don't really care. Now the part that pissed me off was that the stupid bimbo walked off with the shovel and decided not to return it. So in essence, this IDIOT was a total thief.

Well, fear not. Instead of crying about it, David Welles role-played as Batman for a night and decided to take justice into his own hands. Welles pulled out his snowblower and proceeded to dump the wintry contents of the sidewalk, all over the stupid woman's car.


The best part was the guy put it on YouTube for all to enjoy. Unfortunately I can't seem to find it now, but this link has a video attached.

Now if you watch the video, the best part is when David Welles is using the machine, he gets all meticulous and specific in where he wants the snow to go. For those of you who have never used or never had to use (consider yourself VERY LUCKY) a snowblower, you can control where the snow gets deposited manually. That's the part that makes this freaking hilarious, that you can literally see him taking breaks during the video repeatedly so that he can perfectly angle the machine so the snow can just bury this bimbo's car.

In the end, the car is covered with at least 10x as much snow as there was before.

Now what's ridiculous is that some people think that David Welles went too far. TOO FAR?!! Are you people nuts?! The idiot woman could have and should have asked the guy if she could use his shovel. Considering the ridiculous blizzard, I'm sure David would have simply said "yeah go ahead." But obviously no one taught this stupid cretin of a person any manners because she thought it was perfectly okay to snatch the shovel, use it, and then have the audacity to just walk away with it like it was her own.

Some people are even blaming David because he left the shovel out to begin with. Okay, let me just say that if you are living in Chicago and have to resort to STEALING A SNOW SHOVEL, you are a pretty pathetic, worthless person. Why didn't the idiot buy a shovel in the first place? Granted they are pretty expensive, but if this dumbass could afford a car, I'M SURE she can afford a shovel, or hell even a snowblower.

In my opinion, David did nothing wrong. In fact, David did what people should do in this situation. Instead of calling the cops, who obviously would have done nothing, he decided to get even and made this clearly unintelligent and moronic woman look even stupider if that's possible. And if you notice in the video, David cleaned the sidewalk that wasn't in front of his home. In essence, David is also being a good citizen here as he is helping out his neighbors, most of whom have the decency to at least return a shovel if they borrow it.

Quite frankly, this idea of "turn the other cheek" or "Eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind," doesn't work in real life, because if you follow those principles, you're going to get taken advantage of by others. David Welles, being the badass that he is, taught his idiot neighbor a lesson and turned a negative into a positive. This guy definitely knows the proper way of how to get even.

David Welles, you are a bonafide, BADASS. Take a bow.


JACKASS



















Phil Simms

-I want to start this by saying, I have ALWAYS STRONGLY DISLIKED Phil Simms. Him, Dan Marino, and Boomer Esiason are easily the biggest reasons why I refuse to watch the NFL on CBS and why I am STUNNED that CBS is the leading network to watch pro football.

Phil Simms is disturbingly vapid on the air. It's more exciting to stare up a playground slide and get kicked in the face by someone coming down it than listen to this guy talk about his "Keys to the Game," or whatever the hell he puts out these days. It was bad enough that the Bears lost Super Bowl XLI, but the fact that Phil Simms was commentating throughout the whole thing was just an extra kick in the balls.

The few times I've listened to Simms on the air, he's not only incredibly dull, but he is also EXTREMELY condescending. It's like the guy gets paid a bonus every time he talks down to the audience or Jim Nantz, who honestly should probably just stick to commentating golf anyways. And it's obvious b/c of Simms's status, his sons, who play like fresh garbage, manage to go to elite college football programs in Texas and Tennessee. His older son Chris even managed to somehow start in the NFL despite the fact that he probably couldn't throw an egg more than five yards.

Well an incident at a Super Bowl party further confirmed what I already knew about Phil Simms, that he's an arrogant douchebag.

To give you some context, Desmond Howard, former Michigan star and Heisman winner now working for ESPN as an analyst, mentioned that Phil Simms's son, Matt, was one of the worst college football quarterbacks in the SEC. Even if you don't care about college football, you can't deny that Matt Simms's stats are pretty much god awful. And besides, Howard is getting paid to give his analysis. In this case, Howard was just simply stating what he thought, that Tennessee, a once elite college football program, was going to struggle b/c Matt Simms is just terrible.

Well, Phil Simms decided he needed to settle the score with Desmond on the issue. Unfortunately, unlike David Welles, Simms did it in a pretty boorish and clumsy way.

Simms confronted the former Heisman winner at a party, telling Desmond his annoyance at the comments he made towards his son. Howard tried to explain in a clear way that as an analyst, he has to give an opinion, something that Phil should know considering Phil is also an analyst (albeit, a pretty freaking horrible one). Howard reiterated that he was not taking a personal attack on Phil, although he probably should have. It's obvious that Matt Simms only got a scholarship to Knoxville b/c his dad was a "big-time" NFL star. Nevertheless, Howard is a PROFESSIONAL and his opinion was not based on a dislike of Phil Simms, merely just a dislike of Matt Simms's woefully mediocre play on the field.

Well big-headed and thick-headed Phil Simms couldn't understand what Howard was trying to tell him due to his caveman-like brain, so, like all Neanderthal douchebags, Phil Simms resorted to a threat of violence because he was too much of a child to accept the fact that Desmond was right.

It's astonishing to me just how many people are defending Simms for his unprofessional and immature behavior. Okay even if you don't like Desmond Howard because you don't like his job as an analyst or you're just a bitter OSU fan, you can't justify what Simms did. Sure, Phil is Matt's dad and should stick up for his son. The problem is that Howard was simply giving an opinion based on his own football background and was not resorting to a cheap personal attack. Obviously, in Phil's world, he and his no-talent sons always have to be on top of the universe.

Phil Simms, due to your inability to keep your emotions in check and your obscene lack of professionalism when offering your dissenting opinion of another football analyst, you are a TOTAL JACKASS.

Cheers,
DC