My Rant on the Dark Knight

A few days ago, I stumbled upon a few movies that many people consider to be early contenders for Best Picture. One of them is True Grit, a Coen Brothers remake of a classic John Wayne western. The King's Speech is a British historical drama about King George VI and his stuttering problem (something I was not aware of). And then there's The Fighter, a biopic of tough-as-nails blue-collar boxer Micky Ward. All three of the movies look fascinating and I'm definitely interested in seeing all three of them.

While I was watching the trailers, however, I was reminded of how cheap and goofy the Best Picture award is now. Personally, I blame it all on the fact that now, ten movies are nominated for the most prestigious award in American entertainment. Some claim that the ten movie extension was done to help encourage more independent films in getting nominations. Last year's nominations of films like Precious and the eventual winner Hurt Locker certainly give credence to that fact.

But the bottom line is, this stupid 10-nomination rule is thanks to one goddamn movie. And that movie is The Dark Knight, one of the MOST OVERRATED MOVIES OF ALL TIME.

When The Dark Knight was not nominated for Best Picture back in 2008 (eventually won by another ridiculously overhyped movie, Slumdog Millionaire) everyone and their mother were crying afoul. I remember getting lectured about my "lack of refined movie taste" from my own sister, (YES MY OWN SISTER) because I was mocking the idiots who honestly thought The Dark Knight was Best Picture quality.

Now that the hype of the Batman sequel has died down, I think a lot of people will agree with me that this movie was not and will never be considered one of the greatest movies of all time, which is what a Best Picture movie is supposed to be. At its best, it's a mildly entertaining continuation of a FAR SUPERIOR movie in Batman Begins.

So why do I think that The Dark Knight is not that great of a movie? Well for starters, the only actors who really stood out in the film were Gary Oldman, who once again gave a strong performance as a wise and psychologically exhausted Jim Gordon, and of course the late Heath Ledger. I will admit that he deserved his posthumous win as the Joker.

Christian Bale is normally a terrific actor. Before Batman Begins, he didn't get the credit that he probably deserved. He does a great job as Bruce Wayne but his Batman is meh. It's not bad and it's certainly better than Val Kilmer, Michael Keaton, and yes George Clooney (excuse me while I suppress the urge to vomit), but it doesn't really carry the movie. The voice was definitely distracting and I could not sympathize with his character at all. When he mourns the loss of Rachel Dawes, in my mind I just wanted the scene to end as fast as possible. You're supposed to feel sorry for him because he lost his love but because there was ZERO chemistry between the two characters, I just couldn't care less.

The worst. The ABSOLUTE WORST was from Aaron Eckhart. Granted, it wasn't as bad as Tommy Lee Jones in Batman Forever, but that's not saying much. The last hour of the movie, his character became UNBEARABLE. I would rather get slowly skinned alive by a million rabid sea urchins then listen to his incessant crying about the death of his stupid girlfriend whose name he just had to scream A MILLION TIMES. Honestly, did somebody tell him to just holler every line as loud as possible? It was like he was trying to talk over everyone in the movie, which was stupid since it's not like Maggie Gyllenhaal or Gary Oldman were bellowing their lines like jackhammers.

That scene in the hospital where he talks to the Joker. Watch it again. It STINKS. The Joker just rambles like some idiotic punch-drunk anarchist while the Eckhart as Two Face just stares at him with about as much hatred as you would give someone you suspected of farting in your face. Sprinkle in a few instances of "RACHEL!!!!!!" and PRESTO, you have a slow and distracting scene.

Maggie Gyllenhaal. I don't know wtf happened here. She's normally a pretty decent actress but in Dark Knight, she just really had no energy or enthusiasm. The scene with the Joker where she "confronts" him at the gala, you could have put an ancient mummy in her place and it would have carried more emotion. It was like someone told her to get high as a kite before they shot every scene with her character. She was so wooden throughout the film that I was THRILLED when her character was killed off.

The acting was not great but another problem with the film was just the terrible final act of the movie. Two-Face starts crying, wetting his diaper, and after that really drawn out scene talking to the Joker in the hospital, he just randomly goes on a killing rampage. The Joker devises some plan to blow up two boats. Sounds okay but those scenes DRAGGED. The movie is about Batman goddamn it, not two freaking boats and the bumbling morons on them arguing with each other about blowing up the other one.

What was the deal with the Bat-sonar or whatever the hell that thing was that made his eyes go white? The film gave the most half-assed explanation and then we were forced to watch it and try to make sense out of it for the next 10 or so minutes. The whole time, I was convinced I overdosed on acid and powdered donuts. Everything was white and wavy and downright disorienting.

Perhaps my biggest beef with The Dark Knight is not against the film itself, Christopher Nolan, or the actors in general. I think it has a lot to do with the audience themselves, the people who after watching this movie reacted like they had just seen Elvis come back from the dead. So many little stupid niches, things like the "disappearing pencil scene" "Why so Serious?" were the reasons why people heavily overrated this movie, which to me was just dumb as hell.

It was style and not substance. Seriously, what was the deep theme of this movie? That's right, THERE WASN'T ONE!!!!!!

Now that I think everyone has fallen back to reality (hopefully), I would love to hear the reactions people have towards this film now. Do they still think it's the best movie ever? Do they still think that The Dark Knight is the solution to all peace in the world? Do they honestly still think that The Dark Knight is a film that challenges us and makes us do some considerable soul-searching?

Well if you think otherwise today, it's a little too late. Thanks to your whining three years ago, the Academy Award for Best Picture is a joke now with its dumb 10 nominations rule and all because people honestly thought this movie deserved an Oscar nod.

Live Free or Die Hard was a more profound movie

Cheers,

DC

Why I Hate Flying

The art of traveling. Is there anything more cool than going to places around in our great planet of ours? Thanks to the constant innovations in aviation, I could go to Beijing in a matter of a day and see the sights and sounds of a country like China (if I had the money).

Despite all this, I hate flying.

In fact, "hate" is probably not a strong enough word for it. I LOATHE FLYING.

If it was humanly possible, I would rather swim all the way across the Pacific and then hitchhike my way all across Communist China to get to the Forbidden City, than board a plane.

You can start giggling and snickering like an over-caffeinated schoolgirl about my "aviophobia." The fact is, you are much safer, MUCH SAFER, MUCH SAFER in a plane than you are in a car. That is just a fact. I don't like to judge people unless they are normally an ass (like Adam Carolla), but honestly that's pretty sad if you are terrified of jumping in a plane that 99.999% of the time, is perfectly safe. So no, I don't have aviophobia. That's not the reason why I hate flying.

The presence of crying babies, surprisingly, is also not another reason why I hate flying. First off, babies cry, that's just fact. Ask any parent and they will tell you how difficult it is to raise a child, let alone to take care of one when you're in the freaking air. I actually can't stand people who whine about babies crying on planes. You think it's easy to make a baby stop crying? Why don't you go over to the mother then and give her some "advice." If the baby's crying really pisses you off so much, just get some noise-canceling headphones dumbass.

I hate flying b/c it seems like everyone on planes is so uptight about every damn thing. I always tell my friends this story but seriously there was one time i was sitting in a plane and i had to move my leg (you know or else it would lose sensation) and then i ACCIDENTALLY knocked into the seat in front of me. The guy proceeded to histrionically give a loud, obnoxious, disgruntled groan like he had just been kicked in the groin. And then he proceeded to shift in his seat in a very obvious and childish way as if to say, "Thanks for ruining my comfort." WHAT DAMN COMFORT? We're in coach for heaven's sake. Salmon and sardines get packed with more room than we do. Listen bud, it's not like I was sitting in a bed of roses either. The last thing I want to do is get stuck on some stupid plane where some grown man in front of me starts acting like a spoiled child all because I needed to move my foot before I would have pins and needles running up my goddamn leg the rest of the flight.

Man I wanted to just slap the hell out of him.

I was compelled to write this blog after reading this story online.

WTF? That's what I thought as soon as I finished reading this. Your flight got delayed for uh...three hours. BOO HOO! I was on a train that was delayed for 5-6 hours b/c of a goddamn tornado. And then they proceeded to stay in their chairs like whiny brats because the airplane landed in Liege, Belgium when it was supposed to land in Beauvois, France. Okay, I will admit, the pilot should have mentioned that the plane was going to be redirected. Still, is it really that big of a deal? Is Liege like some third world dump? The airline company gave you stupid lazy idiots free shuttle buses to France. And I love how the article tries to defend them saying that they were forced to stay in a dark cabin with no food, no water, and no toilet. Well excuse me if I don't cry a river for them. If they had just gotten off the DAMN PLANE when it landed, they wouldn't have to worry about that.

Seriously, what did they want? The airport in France was closed. If they had landed there, I can just imagine them complaining about "Where's my baggage?!" or "Why isn't the McDonald's open?"

What a bunch of wimps. Try flying out of Chicago in December or January. The delays there are basically an entire freaking day because of all the snow. And these morons are crying their eyes out because their plane was delayed for three hours. Give me a break.

See at least when babies are crying or whining, they don't know any better and that's why they do it. When adults do it, it makes you fear for the future of the human race.

Again, this is exactly the reason why I LOATHE FLYING. I LOATHE IT WITH A PASSION. Too bad, it's the most logical and convenient way to travel.

Cheers,

DC

Why Won't Some Things Just Go Away

Hello readers. I hope you all had a good weekend. Another boring weekend spent helping my parents rip up their garden with the coming winter, but at least the Bears won so it's all good.

Why do some things seem to go on and on with no end in sight? Brett Favre's career, Final Fantasy, the Saw movies,

Unfortunately, it seems like this applies to two reality shows which I just can't stand anymore.


I DON'T and I WILL NEVER understand the appeal of Survivor. It's a show about a bunch of paper pushers, obviously bored as f**k with their jobs, who think it would be fun to become a bunch of backstabbing morons in front of the camera. In between, we have these goofy challenges where they have to eat cockroaches and rats while they go through their "Robinson Crusoe" complex.

How has this show not gone stale yet? It's mind-boggling. It's the same crap EVERY FREAKING SEASON, except the place rotates. One year it's in Vanuatu and then the next year it's in the Congo etc etc etc. Every goddamn season there's always two tribes that just become one after four weeks and then this betrayal and gossiping goes on as they do this idiotic "vote" at the end of the show to kick off somebody. The people they get on the show don't change at all either. There's always at least one super, hyper religious dude whose beliefs conflict with some "modern liberated" woman whose beliefs conflict with some boorish, chauvinistic pig.

I don't get it. A show like Lost makes sense because it had a plot and themes. What the hell is the theme of Survivor? That human beings, when they are abandoned on the outskirts of society, will suddenly devolve into a primitive state of deception and greed?

THERE'S A FREAKING BOOK LIKE THAT PEOPLE. It's called LORD OF THE GODDAMN FLIES (minus the goddamn)

I can see why American Idol is popular. It's a singing contest that tries to find some hidden superstar in some tumbleweed town, all the while some random British dude just rips everyone a new one. Okay, that sounds fun. But how many times have they aired American Idol?

America, you really can't get enough of this show? I mean the return of Jersey Shore is bad enough but American Idol AGAIN. There's nothing fun seeing tone deaf (and I mean TONE DEAF) morons go on a singing contest and make asses out of themselves for the one millionth time. Just go to a freaking karaoke bar and watch the drunks slur Kanye West or Miley Cyrus.

The most laughable part of American Idol is that the winners are chosen by VOTE. Yeah that's right

You know that idea that Founding Fathers like Sam Adams, John Adams, Thomas Jefferson, and Patrick Henry gave their blood, sweat, and tears for? Taxation without representation? The right to vote before having laws imposed on us? Yeah well it seems like their work has been in vain because people in this great country of ours would rather vote on Ruben vs. Clay or Justin vs. Kelly or Carrie vs. Who Cares, THAN IN OUR FREAKING ELECTIONS. I can't understand people who are rushing to vote for some person who will make like two songs before fading back into obscurity, and then they don't even realize that the midterm elections (you know the elections that determine WHO GETS INTO MOTHERF**KING WASHINGTON) were two weeks ago.

And why is Paula Abdul on a show about "finding talent"? There's no logic there.

Cheers,
DC

Kevin Garnett's Inferiority Complex

So on my way from work to school in between the two Oakton "campuses" (if you could really call them that), I turned on ESPN 1000 on Wednesday and heard a pretty good interview by Waddle and Silvy (the second best Chicago sports radio team after the Saloon of course) with both Derrick Rose and Joakim Noah. The interview's podcast itself is on their homepage and I would recommend any Bulls and hoops fans in general to check it out on their homepage, http://sports.espn.go.com/chicago/radio/story?page=lwal_archive

The most interesting part of the interview was when Noah made it clear that he does not like KG at all. It's not at all too surprising considering how intense both of them are and the sheer madness that took place between the Celtics and the Bulls back in the 2009 playoffs.

But what did surprise me (well, only a little bit quite frankly) was when in the interview, Noah mentioned that KG, a master of mind games and trash talking, really seems to go after the "young guys and the Euros."

I honestly don't understand why I'm so surprised at hearing this from Joakim Noah. I guess maybe it's just the fact that one of my suspicions has been confirmed. Just look at the way he went after LaMarcus Aldridge and Jerred Bayless, two rookies with Portland. Or how about his brush-ups with Jose Calderon, Zaza Pachulia, and Danilo Galinari (the latter one btw was Galinari's fault for not paying attention), all of whom if you couldn't tell by their names are foreign players.

It also reminded me of a recent incident when KG apparently called another NBA player, Charlie Villanueva, a "cancer patient." If you don't know, Villanueva suffers from alopecia, which stunts hair growth.

It says a lot about a guy like KG, a player who viciously smack talks the rookies and the foreign players, a guy who thought it was all right to call a player "a cancer patient." Let's not forget, this is the same guy who went after Anthony Peeler, a guy who was ten inches shorter than him. Peeler nearly took KG's head off.

It's obvious that when KG was on Minnesota, he was suffering from some sort of a complex. His peers like Kobe and Tim Duncan were winning titles like nobody's business while Garnett and the T-Wolves were going nowhere, choking away title runs like they were the NBA's version of the Cubs (It pains me to type that btw).

Now that KG is on Boston, it seems like his antics are just getting worse. Since he won the title (yeah ONE title compared to Kobe's five and MJ's six) and is on a consistent championship contender with the Beantown boys, he got all uppity and thinks he owns the league now. He's like some bald, ugly, carcass-eating vulture, preying on the ones he knows he can pick on.

Or maybe, as the Peeler fight showed, he's always just been a punk.

Cheers,

DC

Badasses and Jackasses #2

So I'm kind of tired, bored, and too depressed about the Blackhawks to be writing about the sports world for now, so I think I will use this blog post to focus on something else.

And with that thought in mind, I thought it would be a good time to publish the second edition of

BADASSES

and

JACKASSES

BADASS

BRUCE LEE

How many of you can do pushups with one hand? Okay, now how many of you can do full pushups with two fingers? Yeah that's what I thought.

Since going to the gym four days a week with my father, I have to admit I get discouraged whenever I think of a man doing pushups with just two fingers while I'm breaking a sweat just walking in the freaking place. However, I can take comfort in the fact that Bruce Lee is probably the only guy alive who could do those pushups with two fingers.

Every time I see Bruce Lee in action, I'm convinced that he was deadlier than all of the world's "weapons of mass destruction" put together. Okay obviously stuntmen had a big part in his action scenes but who can deny that only a genetic freak like Bruce Lee has the credibility to make multiple scenes where one guy singlehandedly annihilates an entire school of martial artists somewhat realistic.

He even made sidekicks (as in like a "superhero buddy" not the actual side kick) badass. As Kato, the masked guy who beat baddies to a pulp and served as a limo driver for the Green Hornet, Bruce Lee proved that sidekicks were not all just morons and confused idiots (aka Robin, Speedy, Porky Pig)

His most iconic movies are Enter the Dragon and Fists of Fury. He basically rips everyone to shreds in Enter the Dragon, including the main villain, who is just some goofy guy with an equally stupid looking claw. His speed, agility, and choreography in the movie is NASTY. It leads me to believe that he could probably sprint across China by foot, swim the English channel, wrestle 45 bears, and cook a five-star meal in between two on-screen roundhouse kicks.

He could knock the Eiffel Tower over with a headbutt he was that strong. I'm sure he could also win the Tour de France just by walking he was that fast.

The best part about Bruce Lee was just his overall discipline. Look at the guy's physique. He probably had 0.0000001% body fat on him; he probably came out of the womb just pure muscle. It was amazing for me to read stories about how rigorously he pursued physical and psychological perfection through martial arts.

He even created his own set of martial arts, Jeet Kune Do, which just fit his awesome philosophy perfectly. For a guy who was so set and disciplined in his ways, Lee also saw the benefit of adapting and being open-minded enough to take ideas from all places. He thought it was foolish to just limit oneself to a simple set of martial arts and chose to take ideas from everything, including concepts from boxing and fencing. For those of you who are fans of mixed martial arts, Bruce Lee kind of laid down the first basic steps for its creation.

Even a lifeless statue of him could probably scare the heck out of a wild tiger. Just look at the thing.

The Koreans call him Lee Song-Ryong, which translates into "Little Dragon." Hell if Bruce Lee is a "little dragon," I definitely don't want to cross paths with a "regular" one anytime soon.

Bruce Lee, you were a true, bona fide BADASS. Take a bow!

JACKASS

Adam Carolla

Sometimes, I will never understand how certain people become celebrities. Apparently in this day and age, people will like and respect you just for being outspoken. You don't necessarily have to be smart, funny, good-looking, or thought-provoking. All you have to do is be an obnoxious loudmouth and suddenly you earn yourself a radio show.

Enter Adam Carolla. The simpleton of all simpletons.

Where do I begin as to how much I ABHOR this man? This guy is just the epitome of trash, filth, and excrement. He obviously suffers from diarrhea of the mouth because he just rants and raves about the stupidest things. I mean I do too, but I do it in a nice, quiet blog. Unfortunately for the rest of humanity, Carolla has a radio show where he can deafen and make us all stupider by blasting his nonsensical and irritating voice over the microphone and into our cars and homes. I swear every time this guy opens his mouth, an angel in heaven dies in agony.

I've listened to this guy for a whopping two minutes and I can already tell you right now that he is not intelligent. He is definitely NOT FUNNY either, I will argue anyone who disagrees. A discarded SAT practice book from 1995 provides more humor than this talentless hack. He is not thought-provoking in the slightest sense. I swear if a Rhodes scholar listened to ten minutes of this guy's show, they would emerge from that trauma with the IQ of a cow.

And just take a look at this guy. Now I'm not the hottest guy on the market I know that. But seriously?! He looks like the waste product of a horrific mad scientist experiment involving a gorilla, Herman Munster, the Yeti, and Sloth from the Goonies.

So now this abomination of the human race is writing a book basically criticizing all of the males in the world for "becoming like chicks." That just reeks of desperation coming from a guy who obviously needs money but doesn't have any real talent to earn it in a real way.

An excerpt of the book can be found on MSNBC. Let me tell you, he obviously has no tact, class, or writing ability. Every other line is just a curse word like p***y or f**got. Yeah, obviously he's well short of a T.S. Eliot or even a Bill O'Reilly.

Carolla also uses his sad excuse for a book to remind us again that the "evil homosexuals" run the world and that they are transforming all of us heterosexual men into women. Yeah that makes a whole lotta sense right? I mean gay teens everywhere are committing suicide but Carolla somehow thinks they are running the world. Gee, the leaders of the United States, China, India, Russia, the countries of the EU, they all seem pretty heterosexual to me.

Perhaps the most laughable part of this sad man's existence is that he argues that parents spend too much time "coddling their children" and not making them competitive enough.

WTF????? A burned out loser comedian who hasn't had a REAL job since being the annoying and unfunny half of the Man Show is telling us that we're not making our children competitive enough anymore? That's like Tiger Woods complaining about infidelity and telling everyone in America to be more faithful to their spouses.

In another interview, Carolla states that he doesn't care about what others think about him and that he doesn't care if he offends people. Well Carolla is all cheap talk as the "Pacquiao Incident" proved.

A few months ago, Carolla decided it would be funny to just randomly trash the Philippines. Yeah I know, I'm DYING FROM LAUGHTER already. He was ranting and raving about how the only thing they have is boxer Manny Pacquiao. I'm quoting his words. Keep in mind that these words belong to a grown man who is at his JOB.

According to Carolla, Pacquiao "prays to chicken bones" and says the country is just about "sex tours."

Way to sound like a dumbass, jackass, and an unfunny punkass all at the same time. That's really impressive Adam.

Well the funniest part of the whole story is that the Filipino community basically threw down the hammer and called Carolla every name in the book. Obviously the man-ape couldn't take the heat so the loser goes on TWITTER, yes TWITTER, to give an apology and later adds that "he thinks Pacquiao is a hell of a fighter"

LMFAO. Only high school girls make apologies on Twitter. What happened to your "thick skin" and "I don't give a F**K what other people think about me" attitude?

You gave a FREAKING APOLOGY ON TWITTER FOR CRYING OUT LOUD.

Unfortunately for humanity, Pacquiao decided not to help society by bashing the neanderthal's brains in.

Thank god that the American version of TopGear did not go through. I think the UK would declare war on us if they found out that this absolute imbecile was supposed to be the host of the show.

Adam Carolla, you are a JACKASS. Thanks for ruining society