Badasses and Jackasses #2

So I'm kind of tired, bored, and too depressed about the Blackhawks to be writing about the sports world for now, so I think I will use this blog post to focus on something else.

And with that thought in mind, I thought it would be a good time to publish the second edition of

BADASSES

and

JACKASSES

BADASS

BRUCE LEE

How many of you can do pushups with one hand? Okay, now how many of you can do full pushups with two fingers? Yeah that's what I thought.

Since going to the gym four days a week with my father, I have to admit I get discouraged whenever I think of a man doing pushups with just two fingers while I'm breaking a sweat just walking in the freaking place. However, I can take comfort in the fact that Bruce Lee is probably the only guy alive who could do those pushups with two fingers.

Every time I see Bruce Lee in action, I'm convinced that he was deadlier than all of the world's "weapons of mass destruction" put together. Okay obviously stuntmen had a big part in his action scenes but who can deny that only a genetic freak like Bruce Lee has the credibility to make multiple scenes where one guy singlehandedly annihilates an entire school of martial artists somewhat realistic.

He even made sidekicks (as in like a "superhero buddy" not the actual side kick) badass. As Kato, the masked guy who beat baddies to a pulp and served as a limo driver for the Green Hornet, Bruce Lee proved that sidekicks were not all just morons and confused idiots (aka Robin, Speedy, Porky Pig)

His most iconic movies are Enter the Dragon and Fists of Fury. He basically rips everyone to shreds in Enter the Dragon, including the main villain, who is just some goofy guy with an equally stupid looking claw. His speed, agility, and choreography in the movie is NASTY. It leads me to believe that he could probably sprint across China by foot, swim the English channel, wrestle 45 bears, and cook a five-star meal in between two on-screen roundhouse kicks.

He could knock the Eiffel Tower over with a headbutt he was that strong. I'm sure he could also win the Tour de France just by walking he was that fast.

The best part about Bruce Lee was just his overall discipline. Look at the guy's physique. He probably had 0.0000001% body fat on him; he probably came out of the womb just pure muscle. It was amazing for me to read stories about how rigorously he pursued physical and psychological perfection through martial arts.

He even created his own set of martial arts, Jeet Kune Do, which just fit his awesome philosophy perfectly. For a guy who was so set and disciplined in his ways, Lee also saw the benefit of adapting and being open-minded enough to take ideas from all places. He thought it was foolish to just limit oneself to a simple set of martial arts and chose to take ideas from everything, including concepts from boxing and fencing. For those of you who are fans of mixed martial arts, Bruce Lee kind of laid down the first basic steps for its creation.

Even a lifeless statue of him could probably scare the heck out of a wild tiger. Just look at the thing.

The Koreans call him Lee Song-Ryong, which translates into "Little Dragon." Hell if Bruce Lee is a "little dragon," I definitely don't want to cross paths with a "regular" one anytime soon.

Bruce Lee, you were a true, bona fide BADASS. Take a bow!

JACKASS

Adam Carolla

Sometimes, I will never understand how certain people become celebrities. Apparently in this day and age, people will like and respect you just for being outspoken. You don't necessarily have to be smart, funny, good-looking, or thought-provoking. All you have to do is be an obnoxious loudmouth and suddenly you earn yourself a radio show.

Enter Adam Carolla. The simpleton of all simpletons.

Where do I begin as to how much I ABHOR this man? This guy is just the epitome of trash, filth, and excrement. He obviously suffers from diarrhea of the mouth because he just rants and raves about the stupidest things. I mean I do too, but I do it in a nice, quiet blog. Unfortunately for the rest of humanity, Carolla has a radio show where he can deafen and make us all stupider by blasting his nonsensical and irritating voice over the microphone and into our cars and homes. I swear every time this guy opens his mouth, an angel in heaven dies in agony.

I've listened to this guy for a whopping two minutes and I can already tell you right now that he is not intelligent. He is definitely NOT FUNNY either, I will argue anyone who disagrees. A discarded SAT practice book from 1995 provides more humor than this talentless hack. He is not thought-provoking in the slightest sense. I swear if a Rhodes scholar listened to ten minutes of this guy's show, they would emerge from that trauma with the IQ of a cow.

And just take a look at this guy. Now I'm not the hottest guy on the market I know that. But seriously?! He looks like the waste product of a horrific mad scientist experiment involving a gorilla, Herman Munster, the Yeti, and Sloth from the Goonies.

So now this abomination of the human race is writing a book basically criticizing all of the males in the world for "becoming like chicks." That just reeks of desperation coming from a guy who obviously needs money but doesn't have any real talent to earn it in a real way.

An excerpt of the book can be found on MSNBC. Let me tell you, he obviously has no tact, class, or writing ability. Every other line is just a curse word like p***y or f**got. Yeah, obviously he's well short of a T.S. Eliot or even a Bill O'Reilly.

Carolla also uses his sad excuse for a book to remind us again that the "evil homosexuals" run the world and that they are transforming all of us heterosexual men into women. Yeah that makes a whole lotta sense right? I mean gay teens everywhere are committing suicide but Carolla somehow thinks they are running the world. Gee, the leaders of the United States, China, India, Russia, the countries of the EU, they all seem pretty heterosexual to me.

Perhaps the most laughable part of this sad man's existence is that he argues that parents spend too much time "coddling their children" and not making them competitive enough.

WTF????? A burned out loser comedian who hasn't had a REAL job since being the annoying and unfunny half of the Man Show is telling us that we're not making our children competitive enough anymore? That's like Tiger Woods complaining about infidelity and telling everyone in America to be more faithful to their spouses.

In another interview, Carolla states that he doesn't care about what others think about him and that he doesn't care if he offends people. Well Carolla is all cheap talk as the "Pacquiao Incident" proved.

A few months ago, Carolla decided it would be funny to just randomly trash the Philippines. Yeah I know, I'm DYING FROM LAUGHTER already. He was ranting and raving about how the only thing they have is boxer Manny Pacquiao. I'm quoting his words. Keep in mind that these words belong to a grown man who is at his JOB.

According to Carolla, Pacquiao "prays to chicken bones" and says the country is just about "sex tours."

Way to sound like a dumbass, jackass, and an unfunny punkass all at the same time. That's really impressive Adam.

Well the funniest part of the whole story is that the Filipino community basically threw down the hammer and called Carolla every name in the book. Obviously the man-ape couldn't take the heat so the loser goes on TWITTER, yes TWITTER, to give an apology and later adds that "he thinks Pacquiao is a hell of a fighter"

LMFAO. Only high school girls make apologies on Twitter. What happened to your "thick skin" and "I don't give a F**K what other people think about me" attitude?

You gave a FREAKING APOLOGY ON TWITTER FOR CRYING OUT LOUD.

Unfortunately for humanity, Pacquiao decided not to help society by bashing the neanderthal's brains in.

Thank god that the American version of TopGear did not go through. I think the UK would declare war on us if they found out that this absolute imbecile was supposed to be the host of the show.

Adam Carolla, you are a JACKASS. Thanks for ruining society